Wednesday, April 11, 2012
You Have Been AlvinBoarded
Telemarketer: [recorded robot voice] "Hello, a representative will be with you in just a moment."
Me: "What the fuck? I just picked up the phone."
[1:09 of Kenny G hold music]
Telemarketer: "Hello, thank you for holding. My name is Jasmine. How are you doing today?"
Me: "I'd be doing a lot better if I didn't have to suffer through that hold music. I feel like my ears were just waterboarded."
Telemarketer: [laughing] "I know, I know. I asked them to change it, but they never did."
Me: "You never asked them to change it. Get out of here."
Telemarketer: [awkward silence]
Me: "OK, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to play a really bad song for you through my computer speakers. If you listen to the entire thing, I'll listen to whatever sales pitch you have for me. Deal?"
Telemarketer: [3 second pause] "Uh...are you serious?"
Me: "Absolutely. Do we have a deal."
Telemarketer: [3 second pause] "OK, we have a deal."
Me: "OK, I have the song queued up. I'm going to put you on speakerphone so you can hear it and I can see that you're still on the other line. Are you ready?"
Telemarketer: "I guess."
Me: "Great. Here we go."
[3:45 of Alvin and the Chipmunks - Christmas Song]
Me: "OK Jasmine, you still there?"
Telemarketer: [annoyed] "...yes, I'm still here."
Me: "Oh, one more thing."
Telemarketer: "What's that?"
Me: "I lied."