You Have Been AlvinBoarded

Telemarketer: [recorded robot voice] "Hello, a representative will be with you in just a moment."

Me: "What the fuck? I just picked up the phone."

[1:09 of Kenny G hold music]

Telemarketer: "Hello, thank you for holding. My name is Jasmine. How are you doing today?"

Me: "I'd be doing a lot better if I didn't have to suffer through that hold music. I feel like my ears were just waterboarded."

Telemarketer: [laughing] "I know, I know. I asked them to change it, but they never did."

Me: "You never asked them to change it. Get out of here."

Telemarketer: [awkward silence]

Me: "OK, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to play a really bad song for you through my computer speakers. If you listen to the entire thing, I'll listen to whatever sales pitch you have for me. Deal?"

Telemarketer: [3 second pause] "Uh...are you serious?"

Me: "Absolutely. Do we have a deal."

Telemarketer: [3 second pause] "OK, we have a deal."

Me: "OK, I have the song queued up. I'm going to put you on speakerphone so you can hear it and I can see that you're still on the other line. Are you ready?"

Telemarketer: "I guess."

Me: "Great. Here we go."

[3:45 of Alvin and the Chipmunks - Christmas Song]

Me: "OK Jasmine, you still there?"

Telemarketer: [annoyed] "...yes, I'm still here."

Me: "Oh, one more thing."

Telemarketer: "What's that?"

Me: "I lied."

*click*