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Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Golden Solution

Telemarketer: "Hello, is this Michael?"

Me: "This is."

Telemarketer: "Hello, Michael. This is Rachel with The Ruin Your Day Corporation. How are you doing this afternoon."

Me: [getting up] "I'm great, Rachel! Thanks for asking! How are you doing today?"

Telemarketer: "I'm doing just fine, thanks for asking."

Me: [walking into bathroom] "Well that's just great. What can I help you with today, Rachel?"

Telemarketer: "Well Michael, I wanted to call you today to talk to you about a great new way that thousands of people across the country are getting fit and staying fit."

Me: [lifting toilet seat] "Oh really, no way! You've got to tell me more about this, Rachel. How are people doing this?!"

Telemarketer: "Isn't that amazing? Through our GullibleTron400 Program, people of all body types are -- "

Me: "I'm sorry to cut you off, but do you mind if I put you on speakerphone? I just need my hands for a second."

Telemarketer: "No, not at all, Michael."

Me: [putting phone on speaker and setting down next to toilet] "Thanks for being so flexible, Rachel. Now what were you talking about?"

Telemarketer: "No problem, Michael. What I was saying was that our new GullibleTron4000 System capitalizes on the rejuvenating effects of --"

[a strong stream of urine loudly echoes through the bathroom and drowns out Rachel's tinny voice]

Me: "I'm sorry, Rachel. What was that? I can't hear you."

Telemarketer: "WHAT I WAS SAYING WAS -- "

Me: "Huh?!"



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