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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Who's on First?!

Telemarketer: "Thank you for calling Yadda Blah Blah, this is Deidre. How may I assist you?"

Me: "What?"

Telemarketer: "Thank you for -- "

Me: "No no no, you called me."

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry to hear that, sir. How may I assist you?"

Me: "You called me, Deidre. I have no idea how you can assist me because I didn't ask for assistance."

Telemarketer: "May I get your first name?"

Me: "You don't even know my name? You're killing me, here."

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry about the inconvenience, sir. May I get your first name to get started?"

Me: [three second pause] "Thank you for calling Liebowitz, Liebowitz and Liebowitz. This is Liebowitz speaking. How may I assist you?"

Telemarketer: "OK, Mr. Liebowitz, can I get your first name?"

Me: "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. How may I assist you?"

Telemarketer: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Let's start by getting your last name, Deidre."

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

Me: "I'm sorry to hear that, Deidre. Do you remember your account number?"

Telemarketer: "..."

Me: "I'm sorry, Deidre. The only way you're going to be able to access your account is to provide me your account number or by answering your preset security question."

Telemarketer: "Were you...I..."

Me: "OK, your security question is: 'where is the dumbest person you will ever meet currently located?' Do you remember your answer?"

Telemarketer: [exasperated sigh]

Me: "Ooh, I'm sorry Deidre. The correct answer is 'a mirror'."

Telemarketer: *click*


  1. Whoa, this crosses the line. Some people have such a dire need of money so much that the only job they can get (because no one actually WANTS to be a telemarketer) is telemarketing. These are NOT the people that deserve mockery directed at them for doing their jobs. They're at a low point. Mock the company instead. Make them laugh.

    Keep it classy.

    1. McDonald's (& similar places) is always hiring. They CAN always get a better job; they have instead CHOSEN to be lazy & unethical. They deserve EVERY bit of shit they get and more!

  2. I love is. I dnt care what anyone has to say about it. Telemarketers should get a REAL JOB if they dnt wanna be made fun of.

    1. Amen, preach it! If all these people stood up for themselves and found other jobs, these horrible unethical companies would go out of business!

      (Well, actually, they would just outsource overseas, which most of them do now anyway. But we can hope...)

  3. That's brilliantly written even if it is fake.

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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