Telemarketer: "Yes, I'm looking a....Michael...[redacted]?"
Me: "That's so Raven."
Telemarketer: "I'm sorry?"
Me: "Yeah, you pronounced my last name pretty Raven. Good work."
Telemarketer: "Oh, OK. Hi Michael! I'm Everett with MortgageMonkeys. How is your day going?"
Me: "My day is incredibly Raven right now. How about you?"
Telemarketer: "It's, uh...it's good! Our records show that you might be interested in reducing your monthly mortgage payment, so I figured I'd give you a call and let you know about what kind of services we offer that can do that for you!"
Me: "Your records aren't very Raven. I don't have a mortgage."
Telemarketer: "Really? It says you do on my list. I'm really sorry about that."
Me: "That is SO Raven. That might be the most Raven thing I've ever heard."
Telemarketer: "What's that?"
Me: "You're going off the rails on a Raven Train."
Telemarketer: "Well we also offer credit card payment consolidation. Would that be something you're interested in?"
Me: "Credit card consolidation? That is Raven as fuck. I'll take three of them."
Telemarketer: "Great! You only need one of them, though. We take all of your card payments and turn them into one simple, low loan payment."
Me: "Don't you tell me how Raven I'm allowed to get. Sell me nineteen credit card consolidations right this second. I've got a credit card to pay for them."
Telemarketer: "I...I don't think I'm explaining this well enough. What we offer is -- "
Me: "YOU WANNNA GET RAVEN WITH ME?! YOU CALL ME UP ACTING ALL RAVEN AND EXPECT ME TO NOT GET RAVEN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT BACK AT YOU?!"
Telemarketer: "Sir, I'm going to end this phone call."
Telemarketer: "I won't be sworn at, sir."
Me: "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so upset with you. You're just doing your job."
Telemarketer: "It's alright, sir. It's just a miscommunication. Now let's get you set up with that credit card consolidation."
Me: "Alright, sounds good."
Telemarketer: "OK, lets start with your home address."
Me: "Very good. Do you have a pen handy?"
Telemarketer: "I sure do!"
Me: "Alright, you ready?"
Me: 473 "Crazy Dumb Stupid Raven Jellybeans Avenue, Baby Tits, Ravenchusetts, 032 -- ."
My son is almost two, and has used many different brands of diapers. He pulls and tugs at them, colors on them with paint and markers, stretches them over his head (when they are clean), puts them around his legs and runs through the house, play on the playground with just the diaper on. And through all of that, they still work.ReplyDelete