The following is a Call Hating comprised almost entirely of lyrics from my favorite Riff Raff tracks. I compiled quotes from several songs into a Word document so I could open it when a telemarketer rang me and read them from the screen at a moment's notice. It took all of my strength not to laugh during this call. Ricey.
Telemarketer: "Hello, is this Michael?"
Me: "Ooh, I think you might have the wrong number."
Telemarketer: "Oh no! Is this 603-[redacted]?"
Me: "It is, but this is Jody."
Telemarketer: "Huh. I must have had the wrong name on my list. What's your last name?"
Me: "Highroller. Jody Highroller."
Telemarketer: "OK, let me write that down."
Me: "You also might have me on there as 'Rap Game Pat Sajack'."
Telemarketer (confused giggle): "No...don't seem to have that on there."
Me: "In the black Maybach? No braids?"
Me: "Braided up, yes."
Me: "I'm sorry, lil' mama. I didn't mean to ball like this. What's your name?"
Telemarketer: "I'm Linda."
Me: "What can I do for you today, Linda?"
Telemarketer: "Well Jody, I'm calling from Pyramid Schemes Galore, and we're offering a free ticket to attend a once-in-a-lifetime real estate seminar led by famous mogul/con man David Shittington!"
Me: "Real estate, huh. Like castles? I have castles around my heart."
Telemarketer (pause): "...yes sir, have you ever thought about getting into the incredibly lucritive world of real estate? Do you own a home currently?"
Me: "Yes, I currently own a home. Mi casa es four stories. I'm also the proud owner of a candy Cheeto steamboat."
Telemarketer: "...that's...great to hear! This seminar will tell you all about how to leverage the current market to earn hundreds of thousands of dollars, all in your spare time!"
Me: "Hundreds of thousands of dollars?! That's a lot of Versace pythons and teriyaki suits. I done been had the teriyaki suits."
Telemarketer: "Oh, you have a suit collection? My husband has quite the collection himself at home."
Me: "Is they Marc Jacooooobs?"
Telemarketer: "Oh sure. After he went through the David Shittington seminar, we started flipping houses and now he has all the extra money in the world for things like that."
Me: "...and he still makes you work at a call center? Front page of The Source might have Linda wanting a divorce."
Telemarketer (laughing): "Let me start by getting your address so I can send these complimentary tickets out to you."
Me: "I beg your pardon? Olive Garden Aston Martin?"
Telemarketer: "Let me get your -- "
Telemarketer: "Jody, can you hear me?"
Me: "Oh, there you are. Sorry about that. Ice in my ear give me brain freeze."
Telemarketer: "Your address? I'll get these tickets right out to you, Jody."
Me: "Why you acting like I didn't bring the rice and pasta?"
Telemarketer: "Jody, are you interested in these tickets or not? I've been talking to you for five minutes now."
Me (trying not to laugh): "..."
Telemarkter: "Are you still there. Jody?"
Me (really trying not to laugh): "..."
Telemarketer: "Hello? Mr. Highroller? are you still on the -- "
Me: "SUCK MY DICK WITH A MOTHERFUCKING CONDOM ON!!!"
Ooooh boy! This one really had me laughing out loud. Brilliant!ReplyDelete
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This statement is true for large organizations and start-ups alike. Unless you have the resources and skills necessary to run your own contact center, it's best to seek out an established company to provide service on your behalf. call center dashboardsReplyDelete