Telemarketer: "Hello, I'm looking for a Mr. [name redacted]. Is he available?"
Me: "He sure is! He's sweating his patootie off. It's a hot one out there. Hot enough for you?"
Telemarketer (polite laughter): "I hear you. It's a hot one out there for sure."
Me: "It sure is. It's so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk."
Telemarketer (more polite laughter): "I bet! Well my name is Jason, and I'm calling from TeleWorld TimeWasters. We are running a special today that can drastically reduce your credit card debt in just a few steps!"
Me: "Man, it's so hot out there that you could bake a tray of chocolate chip cookies on your dashboard."
Telemarketer (brief pause before less enthusiastic polite laughter): "...When you sign up with TeleWorld TimeWasters, we take all of your back credit card debt and reduce it, leaving you with just one low monthly payment that's easy to manage."
Me: "I'll tell you what, it's so hot outside right now you could boil a baby to death in your swimming pool."
Telemarketer: "...I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last part."
Me: "I bet it's so hot out there that when you started crying - you know, because of that dead baby just floating around in that steaming chlorine cauldron you once called your backyard oasis - those tears would immediately evaporate off your face."
Me: "It is SO hot outside today that I bet that baby would be cooked all the way though, and you could just tear into it like a side of slow smoked ribs. I bet that tender baby meat would taste nice."
Me: "Those sweet baby meats would just melt in your mouth on a scorcher like today. Just imagine those juices running down your -- "
LOL. WHAT. THE. FUCK.ReplyDelete
ahahaha i now will make up a complex story witch i will tell to the next telemarketer who calls me. OH OM GEE, anyone read good omens? im gonna recite the page where telemarketers get eaten by maggots bursting out of their phones. Really good book actually.ReplyDelete