Godwin's Law

Telemarketer: "Hello, is Michael available please?"

Me: "This is he."

Telemarketer: "Hello Michael, this is Raymond with Global Universal Technical Doohickies Limited. How are you doing today, sir?"

Me: "Raymond Raymond bo Baymond, banana fannah fo Faymond, me my mo Maymond...RAYMOND!!!"

Telemarketer: [pause and uncomfortable laughter] "Yes, sir. That's me. Michael, I'd like to talk to you about an amazing special we're running that's going to save you hundreds of dollars every year."

Me: "Michael Michael bo Bichael, banana fannah for Fichael, me my mo...shit, that's Michael again."

Telemarketer: [deafening silence]

Me: "I'm just messing around with you, Raymond. I'd love to hear more about this special of yours."

Telemarketer: "OK, sir. What we're offering is -- "

Me: "Hitler Hitler bo Bitler, banana fannah fo Fitler, me my mo -- "

Telemarketer: *click*

Talking Head vs. Talking Heads

Me: "Hello?"

Telemarketer: "Hi, is this Michael?"

Me: "Yep."

Telemarketer: "How are you doing today, sir? This is Randy with Random Spammer Service."

Me: "Letting the daaaaaaaaaaaaays go by -- telemarketer makes dumb sounds."

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry, what?"

Me: "Letting the daaaaaaaaaays go by -- telemarketer's grave is in the ground."

Telemarketer: "..."

Me: "Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever wa -"

Telemarketer: *click*

Who's on First?!

Telemarketer: "Thank you for calling Yadda Blah Blah, this is Deidre. How may I assist you?"

Me: "What?"

Telemarketer: "Thank you for -- "

Me: "No no no, you called me."

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry to hear that, sir. How may I assist you?"

Me: "You called me, Deidre. I have no idea how you can assist me because I didn't ask for assistance."

Telemarketer: "May I get your first name?"

Me: "You don't even know my name? You're killing me, here."

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry about the inconvenience, sir. May I get your first name to get started?"

Me: [three second pause] "Thank you for calling Liebowitz, Liebowitz and Liebowitz. This is Liebowitz speaking. How may I assist you?"

Telemarketer: "OK, Mr. Liebowitz, can I get your first name?"

Me: "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. How may I assist you?"

Telemarketer: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Let's start by getting your last name, Deidre."

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

Me: "I'm sorry to hear that, Deidre. Do you remember your account number?"

Telemarketer: "..."

Me: "I'm sorry, Deidre. The only way you're going to be able to access your account is to provide me your account number or by answering your preset security question."

Telemarketer: "Were you...I..."

Me: "OK, your security question is: 'where is the dumbest person you will ever meet currently located?' Do you remember your answer?"

Telemarketer: [exasperated sigh]

Me: "Ooh, I'm sorry Deidre. The correct answer is 'a mirror'."

Telemarketer: *click*