Telemarketer Robot: "Hello. Is this Michael [redacted]? If this is Michael [redacted], please stay on the line and a representative will be right with you."
*Two minutes and fifty eight seconds later*
Telemarketer: "Hello, my name is James. Can I get your first name, please?"
Me: "I used to be so good at Pogs, they used to call me Strawberry Larry at my Bar Mitzvah."
Telemarketer: "Hi...Larry. I'm James, and I'm with FakeCruizeApalooza, and for taking a quick survey with me, I can get you a free cruise to the Cayman Islands. Doesn't that sound great?"
Me: "Them old boots smell like someone left the baby on the radiator. Start the plane, Short Round!"
Telemarketer: *pause* "OK Larry, let's get started with your last name."
Telemarketer: "I'm sorry, was that Bamazan?"
Me: "My power name is Larry Bampbampbazamp. I'll spell it out for you. B-A-M-P-B-A-M-P-B-A-Z-A-M-P. It's Micronesian."
Telemarketer [pausing to type]: "OK, Larry. You don't mind if I call you Larry, do you? What's your mailing address?"
Me: "76 Main Street."
Telemarketer: "Great. City and state?"
Me: "Intercourse, Pennsylvania."
Telemarketer [holding back laughter]: "Excuse me? What was that again, Larry?"
Me: "Intercourse. You know, putting the big stink on the hang down. Your scary uncle taught you about it after he drank a case of Bud Dry while he was babysitting you. That's the name of my town. Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Born and bred."
Telemarketer: "Please hold one moment."
Me: "I'll tell you what. For taste and more it's En-Cor."
Me: "Hello? James?"
*hold music for just under two minutes*
Telemarketer: "OK, Mr. Bampbampbazamp. Sorry about the wait, there. I was just having a hard time inputting your address into the system."
Me: "Hey, my name is Luca and I live on the second floor, right?"
Telemarketer: "...yes, I...agree. Now Larry, what is your current profession?"
Me: "I just parted my pubic hair in the middle to make my tummy sword look like Alfalfa."